Do you want or need to
get people's attention? You can get it with volume and movement: yelling and
screaming and waving your arms. It's hard to resist looking, when you hear a
sudden squawk from a baby or voices raised in an argument, isn't it? But then
what do you do? The noise gets your attention, but does it keep your attention?
Once you get over the shock, you tune out the noise (assuming you can!) and go
back to what you were doing.
If you want people to
stop and consider what you have to say, if you want to hold their attention and
draw them to you, settle down. Don't be like a squawking baby or an arguing
couple. Be silent. Be still. Power and Presence are
communicated in silence.
In her book, The Charisma Myth, Olivia Fox Cabane discusses the nonverbals of poise,
presence, and charisma. High-confidence, high-status posture is characterized
by few movements, she writes. Excessive nodding, fidgeting, or self-pacifying
gestures such as wringing hands decrease your ability to convey poise and
presence.
Nod all you want when
you're listening or trying to coax a shy person to open up a bit. But if your
aim is to communicate confidence, especially in a room full of people, be still.
Joe Navarro, an ex-FBI
agent who has written numerous books on body language, says the same thing. He
suggests that no matter how stressful or contentious the situation, practice
stillness. "The leader who appears unfazed is the person to whom we flock."
In her third
autobiography, Maya Angelou wrote
about similar advice she received from her drama coach when she began her
singing career:
'My dear, but you must stand still. Glide out onstage like the Queen Mary slipping out of her berth, reach the
piano and then stand absolutely, but absolutely, still. After a few seconds
look around at your audience and then, only then, at your pianist. Nod your
head to him and then you will begin your music. When he finishes his intro,
then you will begin to sing.'
I found
standing still the most difficult of all his instructions...
People notice still
silence for several reasons:
It demonstrates confidence. We live in a
frenetic, noisy society. We hate silence. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable. So
most people avoid it at all costs. They fill pauses with ums and okays. Or, if
they can't think of anything to say, they figure they better DO something. Or
they fill it with distractions. It takes confidence to fill a silence solely
with your presence.
It's different. We've
lost the ability to simply BE. We've forgotten what it's like. When someone
demonstrates the ability to be still and command a room, we notice.
It takes energy. Being
quiet and still doesn't get attention if you're off in a corner hiding. That's
a great way to become invisible. You must be fully present, willing to be seen,
and actively using your energy to fill the space around you. A quiet, BIG
presence gets noticed.
Have a presentation
coming up? A panel job interview? A meeting with the big boss? Resist the urge
to fidget, pace back and forth, nod your head, or chatter endlessly. Get and keep the attention of others and communicate poise through
stillness.
Change
your communication, change your life.
Published with permission. Click to read more from Rachel.
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